June Conclusion & July Resolution

This was the worst ending of a month ever
and I am hurt so much and I don´t understand why I have to get through this.

I hate him and can´t hate him...I love him and can´t love him
I am soo confused but its over now and I know it a good thing
I know its the right thing, but I don´t know why it hurts so much if it is right
I want to cry all the time and at the same time I don´t want to cry anymore,
I want to have back what we had and I want be happy again, I want back what we had.
I want it to stop hurting so much. I want him to stop being afraid ...


Its a few days later now and I feel a little bit better
I don´t know what to think or what I want, but I am still sure its kind of good how it is now

well what else...june was full of stuff and a lot happened
due date for my bachelor thesis is over now .... I am very glad ;)
The presentation is the day after tomorrow and I am sooooooooo afraid...
I really don´t know what to expect...cross your fingers for me ^^
Thursday is the entrance test for the masters degree...soo excited ^^
I had many great days last month and was happy most of the time.
Its so sad that you forget all the good things after such a heart breaking shock ...
this really changes everything so much, more I ever thought it could :(
I have many good moments but the bad ones are staying in my memory so much more...
June was a good month in general, but what happened just changed it all...

My june resolution were:
- stay on top of things
- stay productive and positive
- keep on working, only a few weeks to go
- enjoy as much as possible
- surround myself with happy thoughts and positive moments
- keep a open mind to be able to be creative

Well...first month I did not have the resolution to stay faithful and strong and immediately I failed and lost my strength
for the shortest time and with this I lost everything I fought for, for such a long time...I know it was good...
but I somehow lost my faith and my believe in fighting for love.
Well I will get it back someday, I am sure I will, and I will learn to trust again, because I want to.
I was preeetty good in staying on top of things...most of the time^^
I only failed in blogging a little ;) sorry peeps

pic source

July is going to be a pretty relaxed month for me :)
Only my presentation on Tuesday and the test on Thursday and after this - the semester is over ^^
and my whole Bachelor studies are o.O wow...just realised that ^^
There are going to be many rehearsals for the opera project in september but besides that I´ll have a looot of free time ^^

so my july resolutions are:

- do something special everyday (even if its only a teeny tiny thing)
- go outside and enjoy life
- do some traveling (even if its only the next bigger city)
- stop crying and learn the new way of life
- meet friends and celebrate life
- have fun and heal your heart
- be active and discover new places
- be yourself and stop trying to be someone for somebody who wont appreciate it
- learn to love yourself again

Most important for me is definitely to heal and to get better.
To lean to love myself again and to learn that it is the others loss if they don´t want my in my life anymore.
So be confident or try to be :)

July also is my birthday month ^^ I am not very excited for it,
but its probably going to be a nice day :)

I hope you all had a very nice june and a way better ending to it than I had :)
and I hope you all will have an aaaaaaamazing JULY
its summer and we all should be happy as a bee ^^

With lots of love


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